What Would I Say To Our Teens If I Had Only One Message to Give

Hey gang!

Today, I want to talk to a special group of people. All of you may get something, but this message is designed for teenagers.

About a week ago, I had a chance to sit in on a brainstorming session at my church with junior high ministry leader Brooke McMahon and the rest of our crew to discuss a message that she is going to present in a few weeks to the congregation. It’s really nice that my pastors believe in our youth ministries so much that they give the leaders of the fifth and grade, junior high and senior high one week a year to showcase not just their teaching skills, but also their kids with the music and worship. It’s awesome and I always look forward to these weeks.

But after we get done, I drive home and talk to one of my close friends about this honor for the ministries and my friend knows that I spoke to teens quite often at BBC and other times the last few years. He asked me a tough question. If I had a chance to speak to teens again, what would I say. I thought about it for a couple days and God began to lay this message on my heart. I’ve been wanting to write it down for a week and share it with you.

A lot of people might think that I would do a salvation message. I’m average at them, but they hear that from so many voices that the inundation of one more, “you need to get your butt up to this altar and give your life to God” message may make them tune me out more than anything else. So below is a sketch of what I would do if I had one more shot with the teen ministry.

All of us love to laugh. God’s Word tells that a merry heart does good like a medicine. So I think it’s safe to say that God has placed comedy in our lives because he wants us to laugh. But have you ever been in places where something is really funny, but it is kind of inappropriate to laugh. Me too. All the time.

My wife and I lived in downtown Atlanta for the first six months of our marriage. This part of downtown was “the hood”. One night we come in from grocery shopping and I’m out at the car grabbing groceries and my wife heads to the apartment and suddenly, I hear a scream. Pulse racing, bags of groceries in hand, I run at my top speed to the apartment door where she is located. Just as I get there, the neighbor comes out and gives a look, and my wife says, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you.” I’m thinking, “What?” We walk inside and she explains to me that this neighbor put his garbage bag in the hallway and as she passed it, she grazed it. She thought it was someone trying to attack her. For the rest of the night, every time I took something to the garbage can, I would start laughing, loudly. If looks could kill, I would’ve been a water spot.

Before that I used to live in Kissimmee, Florida. Yes, home of Walt Disney World, Sea World and Universal Studios. When I first moved there in 2000, one of the first people I ever met was my friend Ryan Greenough. My son’s middle name is Ryan as he was one of the two guys that introduced me to my wife. Ryan led the 20-somethings group and even though I was about to turn 30, he invited me along. Ryan’s other job is as an plane engineer. We went to his house and as we sat there, he told us that he had a tape for us to watch. I’ll let you see something similar to what I saw here.



The difference between the video and what he does is that the planes they were crashing cost tens of thousands of dollars to build. His college classes were designing new planes for people like Boeing, Virgin and NASA. So the group of about 20 people watch and much like you guys, cracked up over it.

I remember being in Sunday School the following week and telling the story of seeing these planes crash and how funny it was. I’m laughing telling the story. However, this one girl kept staring at me. I’m thinking, “What’s her problem?” and because I’m in inquiring mind, I start to walk up to ask her.

Ryan realizes what is about to happen and he gets my attention and calls me up. He tells me, “Hey man. I know you’re wondering what is up with _____, well one of her family members was in a crash about three years ago.” Uh-oh. It isn’t funny any longer. I feel about as small as a molecule. No wait, that’s how small I wished I were. A few weeks later, I finally got the nerve to apologize. It was incredibly awkward, but she did forgive me and we became good friends.

I love to laugh, but sometimes I do it unintentionally. You may have noticed by now, or maybe not, since we’ve all been laughing pretty hard. I occasionally laugh at the ends of sentences. It’s not on purpose and a lot of times, I wish I could stop it. I was born with a clef pallet. For those of you that don’t know what that is, a clef pallet is the flap in the roof of your mouth not being complete. This is usually accompanied by a hairlip, which makes your lower lip kinda curly and makes you talk really different. I can’t imitate and I probably wouldn’t, even if I could. Hairlips make people sound like their lips are numb from the dentist. Oh, it’s a gas when you’ve had a tooth pulled, but not really funny hearing it all the time.

Anyhow, I still have a pinhole in the roof of my mouth and if I don’t close my mouth after a sentence, the roof of my mouth vibrates the sound that comes out like a laugh. You guys have been really cool not making fun of me, but when I was a kid, a few of my classmates weren’t as kind. It went on into high school. Now because I look terribly imposing with this big, massive body, it doesn’t mean I like to fight. In fact, I can’t fight. I look about as awkward as Steve Urkel trying to throw a punch.

But one day in high school, it got to be too much. I had enough. You get picked on over and over by the same crowd and then you snap. Well, we were standing near the door of my biology class when this kid named John Babyak started making fun of me. John was not big, he was rather skinny. At the time, he wasn’t much larger than a pencil. I’ve seen pictures on Facebook recently and he’s buffed up some. One minute, John said something smart, the next minute, I had one hand around his throat about four feet off the floor. I remember him telling me that I was choking him and Mrs. Riffee telling me to go to the office. I must’ve dropped him. The next thing I remember was going down the steps to the office.

As a first time offender, I got two days in school suspension, which meant that I sat in a small room with no windows and did my class work. That was what I was supposed to do, anyway. Since I was the only one in the suspension, most of the teachers came in and talked to me most of the day. Most inevitably asked the question, “Why?” My answer was that I was tired of being picked on for something I couldn’t help. It was being called the retarded kid when I understood everything they were saying.

I let it go after that. No one picked on me anymore, for fear that I would choke them or use my physique to punish them. I always thought sitting on them might be fun, especially if I passed gas. That would be punishment. You’ve never smelled my gas.

But I felt horrible about choking John. I’m not saying John didn’t deserve it, but he became the sacrifice for everybody, like Jesus at the cross. I think there are a lot of kids who own John for taking one for the team. What always scares me nowadays is the events like Columbine. Kids start shooting kids because of being picked on. My teachers protected me a little after that by not putting me close to kids who liked to pick. Teachers and some of you have clues as to who is being picked on. Most times, the pain can be alleviated if not stopped.

So a couple years ago, I started teaching as a substitute in Effingham County and for those of you that have had me in class, you know that I like to have fun in the classroom, if you do your work. One day, I was teaching in Beecher City and a sixth grader was walking down the hall with me and asked me a question. “So Mr. Jenkins, I hope you don’t get mad about this, but why do you laugh after you talk?” I explained the clef pallet to her and thanked her for asking me. Now privately, we all know that the students probably asked among themselves, “Hey what’s wrong with the sub?” Right. Of course they did.

I know we’ve had some great laughs today, but the first thing I want you to leave with today is this. Never, ever, be afraid to ask questions. Even if those questions may be tough. Sometimes you might not get an answer. Sometimes you might be told to leave it alone. Remember that it’s OK. A person may not be comfortable answering the question. But you have planted a seed stating that you are concerned enough that you asked. People remember that. If you ask a question seriously, most people take you at your word.

Sometimes, though, you might learn something about that individual that will help you understand them. Understanding people is the first step in a friendship. I’m 40 and for 32 of those years, Brenda Hopkins Hinkle has been a friend of mine. She wasn’t my first friend, but she’s stayed longer than anyone else. We went to different high schools, but we still talked a lot during high school. She would often tell me, “They just don’t get you. Not everyone will take the time to know you. Most people just don’t care that much.”

She’s right. Times haven’t changed. Even in Jesus’ day, teens were discouraged from asking questions. If you look in Matthew 19:13-14, the disciples discouraged the children from coming to Jesus. The NIV called it a rebuke. It was as if Jesus was too busy for them. But as you know, class was always in session with Jesus. In verse 14, Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

Jesus understood how important the youth are to the plan. I could’ve blown off that student and told her it was none of her business why I laughed nervously at the end of my sentences. I could’ve given the whole class an assignment being bitter that I was being talked about and probably being made fun of. But I think as adults, that’s where we miss the boat with teenagers. Sometimes we don’t respectfully take your question for what it is. Why? Because we have to let our guard down and be real. If we want you guys to mature properly, egos have to be put aside. Jesus could’ve looked at the children and gone, “You guys know who I am. You think I got time for a bunch of kids when I’m saving the world?” You know, Jesus don’t play that.

But the other major thing I want you to understand and take with you is that it doesn’t matter what is wrong with you. Anyone in here perfect? No. Me neither. I’m 40 and I have not arrived. I could be 400, but I still won’t arrive until Jesus comes for me. I think that’s a pretty common thought amongst believers.

The difference is that we tend to let our hangups hang us up. I could have always said, and did for a long time, no way am I ever going to speak and make a difference for Christ. Why? People might make fun of me. I might hear, “Hey, you talk funny,” or “You’re weird (with their imitation of my laugh at the end).” That one gets me once in a while. Especially when they nail it. I can’t nail it and I’m the one with the clef pallet.

So I hid for years. It was long after I gave my life to Christ before I began speaking about him. That isn’t entirely true. I spoke about six months after I got saved with a group of teens from Fairmont State’s Baptist Campus Ministry. I was their keynote speaker. I had ten minutes. Keep in mind, I did standup comedy at amateur nights for almost two years and had taught as a classroom teacher. People thought speaking was no trouble for me. But I was terrified that I would have a laugh while I was up there. I had a few and NO ONE cared. That’s when I knew I wanted to speak and talk about Christ. I’ve gotten some great opportunities since. I haven’t spoke in a congregation since 2004, but I can’t wait to do it again.

The point is not to let your hangups hold you up. You might have hair that won’t lay down, you might have a big nose or crooked teeth. You might sweat a lot on stage. I promise you won’t melt. I’ve tried. You might think you’re ugly. Look at your neighbor. Tell them, “You ain’t ugly.” I know, for some of you, that was very hard. We’ve already talked about when it’s inappropriate to laugh. I’m kidding.

You might think that what you say isn’t important to your friends. Let me be honest. When you are saved and your friends aren’t, what you don’t say may be most important. If you are not talking about God in your everyday life, most of those around will never know the difference between you and them. They also might miss out on sharing something with you that you absolutely don’t want them to miss out on. That’s Jesus.

When I was a child, I heard the messages at the church I went to. Preachers talked about “Hell, fire and damnation,” like they were terrible diseases that you better never catch. That didn’t scare me. In 1992, I laid in a coma for two days and found out I was a diabetic. That was what scared me. All of hope for an “It’s a Wonderful Life” moment as Charlie tells us about how everyone would miss us and how it would change everyone’s lives if we weren’t here.

I didn’t get that. I got two days of no feeling. It was just darkness. I could hear occasionally, but it was black and dark. When I woke from that coma, I began to ask the question, “Why was I allowed to live?” I mean, I was depressed, really didn’t want to be there. Then I took a journey to ask that question. Sixteen months later, I was back in a hospital, hoping that I wasn’t watching a loved one die. I had figured out that God loved me. I remember praying for salvation that night in the hospital lobby at United Hospital Center, in Clarksburg, WV, April 7, 1994 at 12:30 am.

That night, I prayed admitting that I had messed up a lot of things and that I couldn’t make them all right. So I told Jesus, whatever you want, whatever your will, I will go. It’s been 15 ½ years now since that fateful night and it has been an adventure. It hasn’t always been wonderful. Sometimes I’ve been hurt by the people that said they loved me the most. But I wouldn’t trade the journey God has laid out. He brought me to a town with a 200-foot cross to let me know how small I was without Jesus.

With Jesus though, He has helped me navigate through. Do I still mess up? Occasionally. We all do. In closing, don’t let people take you from you helping God’s Kingdom. There are people out there who cannot wait to tear you down. Don’t listen to them. Keep striving toward Jesus and most of all, keep laughing.

I love you guys!
Frank

Wisdom Wednesday: Ecc.7, A Beginning Look at Wisdom

Hey gang!

After a few weeks, we are back with Wisdom Wednesday. With November here, hopefully I’m getting closer to a normal schedule, but we’ll see. Today, we continue with our series on the book of Ecclesiastes presenting Chapter 7. This is actually a very powerful chapter as Solomon begins to take a deeper look into wisdom.

In verse one, he shares that a good name is better than perfume because the good name can last longer. Someone once said, It takes years of hard work and excellence to build a reputation, but it takes only minutes of folly to destroy that same reputation.

In verse three, he contradicts Proverbs 17:22, “A merry heart is like a good medicine,” by telling us that sorrow is better than laughter and a sad face is good to the heart. But he is also comparing to Proverbs 14:13 as it says, “Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief.” In the end with death, we tend to recall the good memories of a passed person. We may still mourn, but with a laughing spirit.

We are given good advice in verse five to heed a wise man’s rebuke. The reasoning is that this wisdom is an effort to keep us from being fools. I had really never understood verse six until I lived with a gumball tree. When we light the leaves from an October or November falling, the gumballs will only crackle but remain even after the fire is gone.

In verse seven, Solomon is showing us two ways that money changes people. Paul takes that thought deeper in his first letter to Timothy 6:10, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” We are to use money as a means to an end, but not to fall in love with it.

Verses 8-9 give us encouragement to hold our tongues. With ending a matter, we are forgiving, or at the very least , letting a transgression pass. With verse nine, we are being reminded to be slow to anger.

Verse 10 left me with a mind of old men sitting in rockers on a summer day talking about the days when things were different. Each generation seems to remember their times as sweeter or even more innocent. Some part of me thinks that this is more about the idea that we are to keep looking forward to a day without sin or pain when Christ comes.

Verse 11 begins a change. This verse begins looking at a world with Christ rather than without. Solomon says, “…those who see the sun.” He is beginning to talk about people who understand their place in the universe with God. Verse 12 talks about both wisdom and money as shelter, but that wisdom preserves the life of its possessor. Money can’t preserve you, but if you use the wisdom that God has given you, it will save you from disaster or failure.

Verses 13-14, Solomon begins to credit God with accomplishment. No one else can straighten what God bends. God has made both good and bad times. He tells us to be happy during the good times. We are to enjoy the blessings God gives us.

In verses 15-17, Solomon gives us examples of people. Righteous people perishing in their righteousness. “Me doth think he protest too much,” is the famous saying of people who are trying to tell us how right they are. Wicked people living long in their wickedness. Not every bad guy is like evil in the movies. Their deeds cannot be summed up in a 90-minute saga. Some people figure out how to get away with it for months or even years.

In verse 18, Solomon goes back to the comparison of wisdom and money. While its good to grasp wisdom, don’t just let go of money. In verse 19, Solomon tells us being wise can make you powerful because you are blessed to see perspectives of many.

Solomon changes the tone again in verse 20. He wants us to understand that no matter how hard you try, you’ll not get it right every time. Verse 21 is a reminder that sometimes you’ll have to make unpopular decisions in life and not to let it bother you because, as he states in verse 22, you will probably disagree with others at different points.

In verse 23, he begins to tell us that he’s tried it all by testing. We may learn many things, but there is only one that knows all. We will never quite understand everything. Starting in verse 25, Solomon begins to show us some of the things that held him back. In verse 28, he states that he found one righteous man (talking about himself), but no righteous women among thousands. This is because of his marrying women outside of the Israelites, explained in 1 Kings 11.

So he closes this chapter with a thought. God makes us upright, but we go searching for schemes. God wants us to choose Him and let Him show us the right ways. However, we get caught up in wanting to make our own way, without direction from God. That’s where we get into trouble. That’s what seemed to get Solomon. When he chose something outside of what God wanted for him, he suffered. If the story sounds familiar, it is true of all of us.

God wants us to pursue Godly wisdom. Whether that is by reading his Word, spending time in prayer, or seeking the wise counsel of others who are doing those two things. He wants that communication with us so that we can grow.

Next week, we will look at Chapter 8 and learn more wisdom and how the wicked are dealt with.

I love you guys!
Frank

Marriage Monday:Myth 8:Successful Parents Produce Godly Children

Hey gang!

A new week that’s a little behind. Keep praying for good results as my wife had her biopsy on two nodules behind her thyroid this morning (Tuesday 11/2). We’ll know something next Monday afternoon, but Marriage Monday may be a day late again with the craziness of that day. I apologize in advance, but I thank you guys for your prayers and hanging with us on this.

Anyhow, we are in the final three weeks of a book study of Leslie Leyland Fields’ “Parenting Is Your Highest Calling” And 8 Other Myths That Trap Us In Worry and Guilt. We are on #8 of 9 myths being covered in the book with the last week closing it out. On with today’s myth: Successful Parents Produce Godly Children.

Do you ever feel like your kids have had the best day and that will surely be high angels in Heaven and it was mostly due to the fact that you were perfect in your every assessment of the day? Nah. Me neither. But have you done the reverse. Your child does something wrong and you start to think that you are going to have the next Charles Manson or Casey Anthony or Amy Fisher?

Why do we beat ourselves up this way? Leslie begins the chapter by telling us a story of one of her boys wanting to show love to his sister by buying her a gift and being a dollar short. Knowing that one of his brothers was the tooth fairy dollar giver of the family, he played with a loose tooth until it came out. He then hands the tooth to the brother, blood and all, for the dollar. Sounds very giving, but Leslie laments that her children have now learned to sell body parts for money. That’s usually not a good idea, especially if you are still using said body parts.

But Leslie shares next what many of us as parents go through with a lot of the decisions we make concerning our children. We walk into the mock courtroom (complete with mocking jury) and steadily convict ourselves of not getting it right. Sure, we get the occasional innocent verdict and pat ourselves on the back for a good job. Parents all over torture themselves in this courtroom, because we love our kids. But is this the way we should be working?

Leslie then takes a moment to share how a lot of parents view themselves when children go out the door into adulthood, as winners or losers. If we lose them spiritually (or any other way), we deem ourselves losers. But can we really say that based on the moment they leave?

We then look at the Hall of Famers of Faith of Hebrews 11. These are all people whose faith overcame and advanced the kingdom. But Leslie shows us something here. All of these “winners” had shortcomings in their spiritual world. What I really liked in this section was the showing of Jonathan and Josiah, both whom had horrible raisings and became spiritually great.

A great comment comes on page 172 when we read, “By our contemporary standards, most of these families were dismal failures. They include polygamous family groupings rife with division and jealousy, prostitute mothers, heathen mothers, families with rampant favoritism and fratricide. The only discernable patterns here seem to be those of human sin and error. Yet God transformed their weaknesses into a faith that accomplished his eternal purposes.” So even if we are unsuccessful, if God has them, he will lead them. Does that take the pressure off of us? No.

Leslie then asks a very important question? Does God measure up as a good parent? If we aren’t having to bear that burden of perfection, does God? We are taken through thoughts of the Old Testament. God identifies himself many times as a Father. But starting with the Fall, and even moreso as the Israelites complain in the desert, people are disobedient and God even wishes at points that he never even created humans. Remember Noah and his family survived The Flood, but still the record indicates that God’s children haven’t been very good. That includes us living today. So does this make God any more successful than us at parenting?

Leslie then goes through a thought pattern of relying too much on the focus of us and too little of the focus on God. Then she asks a poignant question. What do we expect?

We have this perception that we are graded by how well the control grip is on our children and that our children are to be finished products at salvation even though we (all people) have shown that we are not. I always remember growing up with the thought pattern of my mother wanting my life to be better than hers and that I want my children to have a better life than I do. But expecting marginal improvement or perfection, either way is wrong.

The chapter’s last two lessons focus on the idea that we need to stop beating ourselves and asking the question of “Are we parenting successfully?” and begin to strive for our best and then ask a deeper question of “Are we parenting faithfully?” Leslie shares the story of Ezekiel having to share the message of judgment to the Israelites as they were taken into captivity. God tells Ezekiel that they will not listen to him because they have not listened to God to this point. How would you feel about delivering a message that no one was going to listen to? And yet, isn’t it perceived at times in that way as we raise our children?

In the final chapters, Leslie tells us that we need to rethink the plan of being successful. She says, “We are not capable of producing perfect followers of Christ, as if we were perfect ourselves. Our work cannot purchase anyone else’s salvation or sanctification. Parents with unbelieving children, friends with children in jail, and the faith heroes of Hebrews 11 are all powerful reminders of this truth: our children will make their choices, God will be sovereign, and God will advance his kingdom.”

So are we to go willy-nilly and say to ourselves that the pressure is off us and totally on God? Absolutely not. We must come to realize a powerful truth as long as we have breath. GOD NEVER GIVES UP ON US!!! God is always going to do his will and pursue so that all may come to know Him. We still have to do our part, whether they totally understand and get it, or not. Then we continue to pray for God to send the right people, the right messages, the right conviction, all at the right time, in God’s Will.

Next week, we look at the last of the myths: God Approves Of Only One Family Design. God is not limited by how perfect our family is. If you don’t have a perfect family, definitely read next week’s Marriage Monday. And if you think you have a perfect family, read anyway and maybe you can give us all some tips.

I love you guys!
Frank

Don't Choke on the Skeleton, A Halloween Message

Hey gang!

Happy Halloween to you tonight. A Christian offering you greetings of Halloween? Sounds like a Pagan to me. That’s another column though.

Anyhow, I began talking to some people in a game room tonight over where I like to play games, Pogo.com. I’m a Club Pogo member and if you really want to find me, search onemanrevival and sure enough, there I’ll be. I was playing in a room and one of the ladies began looking at profiles and said, “Hey, there is a minister in here. If you are dead and need buried or want to get married, he’ll hook you up.”

What she didn’t realize is that to be a minister of the Gospel, a degree is not required. However, if you want to marry people, in most states, ministers have to be ordained, which I am not. I said to the room, “Well, I can’t help you on your marriage plans, but if you are spiritually dead, I might be able to help.” I spent about 20 minutes just talking to people as we played. I also thought my profile pimp costume for Halloween might be a turnoff, but the people were kind and talkative and wanted to some things.

After leaving the room, I had a thought. On the internet, we can be anything we want to be. We can hide who we really are if we want. We can have all the faults in the world, but look appealing to people by our profile. It isn’t that easy in the real world.

I remember right after I got saved in 1994, that a friend of mine and I talked about Amy Grant. She had done a video called “Baby, Baby.” She danced in the video with a man that was not her husband, my friend mentions to me. I thought, “So?” It was a music video, not a sex tape. My friend said to me at the time that it could lead to people thinking it was OK to dance with people that are not their husbands. And?

What I didn’t realize was about to happen is that a few years later, Amy Grant Chapman and her husband, Gary, would file for divorce after another Amy video of her singing with Vince Gill. She would later marry Vince and they have been happily ever after, as far as I know.

OK, my friend from earlier lined up the dots for me from the earlier scenario. She danced with another man and that led to her divorce. This also said that it was OK for her fans to get divorced. That’s where I draw the line. No, that is not true. Amy being unhappy with Gary and moving on to Vince would not promote the idea of divorce no more than Beavis & Butthead promoted the idea of setting houses on fire or no more than Ozzy Osbourne and Judas Priest promoting the idea of someone committing suicide.

All of those scenarios are a reach, period. Why? I’ll tell you why. Because each and every one of us has a sin nature. Amy Grant didn’t hold a gun to our heads and tell us to divorce our spouses. She was unhappy, got out, and made a better life. Did she sin? I don’t know. What I do know is this. She has repented of whatever she did or didn’t do and it’s been taken care of by God. I’ll talk more about that in a minute.

Comedian Eddie Murphy once said that all people have skeletons in their closet. “Some people have a closet full of skeletons. Some people are afraid that every time they speak, a bone is going to come out.” But Frank, I don’t have skeletons in my closet. Really? So you have been totally honest about everything you’ve ever done? Don’t answer that. At least, not to me.

I could talk about David, whom is my favorite Old Testament character, and share all day about the number of skeletons that he tried to hide in his lifetime. However, I’ll tell you two other stories instead.

First, if you look at the second chapter of Joshua, you will meet a prostitute named Rahab. Yep, prostitute. She helped two Israelite spies that came to the land of Jericho and hid them. She confessed that God was the One True God to these spies in verse 11 and asked the spies to show kindness to her family when God’s people took the land. In Chapter 6 of Joshua, the men did show kindness to her family and spared them. Joshua 6:25 ends telling us that she and her family lived among the Israelites after that rescue.

The story doesn’t end there though. Let me share the cool part of the story. In the first chapter of Matthew, we are given the genealogy of Jesus. You know, Savior of the Universe for all time. Verse 5 begins, “Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab.” That’s right. 11 verses later, Jesus was born to Joseph and Mary. Yes, Rahab did such a noble thing that she was linked into Jesus forever.

But think about this. If you have read the story of Ruth, you know that the man named Boaz is known as one of the great men of the Bible because of how well he took care of Ruth and her mother-in-law. Rahab raised a boy so well that he became one of the most honorable men of the Old Testament. But Mommy was a prostitute. Yes, she was. But she was redeemed.

The second story comes to us from John 8:1-11. The Pharisees bring a woman caught in the shame of adultery. They remind Jesus in verse 5 that the Mosaic Law says that the woman was to be stoned. They asked Jesus what he thought about that. So Jesus thought and finally gave them a reply in verse 7. “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” After this, he leaned down and began to draw in the dirt.

The men began to walk away one by one until there was no one but the woman and Jesus. He stands up and asks where her prosecutors were. They were gone. They couldn’t condemn her when they looked at themselves. So Jesus replies to her in verse 11, “Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Now, before I close I want you to understand that I’m not promoting a wink at sin. If someone is sinning that you know and love, you may be the one that needs to stand and call it out. However, I think that many Christians get lost in the idea of condemning people without looking in their own closet. We want Jesus to forget our sin, but low and behold that we should forgive anyone else’s.

When I think of the woman caught in shame, I think of a song done in the mid 90’s by my friend Michael O’ Brien. Those of you that know me know how much I love his Conviction CD. His song called All Is Forgiven is one of the hidden nuggets of the set. Michael tells the story of the woman, then of what amounts to our personal stories. Jesus finds the skeletons in our closet. But he also cleanses them and rids them for eternity.

If you are concerned about your own skeletons tonight, know that even though you may be fearful or scared, Jesus can change it all. I close here with the chorus of Michael’s song. Remember, Jesus wants us to come, to be forgiven and to go sin no more.

All Is Forgiven
I’ve Heard Your Plea
My Grace Has Cleansed Your Heart
My Love Has Set You Free
All Is Forgiven
My Mercy Is the Open Door
All Is Forgiven
Go Sin No More

I love you guys!
Frank

Marriage Monday: Myth 7: You Will Always Feel Unconditional Love Toward Your Children

Hey gang!

I know, It’s Tuesday night and Marriage Monday is coming now. That’s right. I took an unplanned day off of writing yesterday to celebrate seven years with my wife. It probably wouldn’t have looked good for me to encourage you on marriage if I don’t even take time out for mine. It was all good. Sure it was popcorn and TV, but it was a good time had by both.

So time for another Marriage Monday and continuing in Leslie Leyland Fields’ book “Parenting Is Your Highest Calling” And 8 Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt. Today’s myth is that You Will Always Feel Unconditional Love For Your Children.

If you ask my mom, I was a relatively easy child to raise. I wasn’t a handful until my college years. I was a good little kid. But those college years, man were they rough. I’ll always remember a night after my mom fell and broke her ankle in January of 1988. I was a college freshman and becoming independent. I was out till all hours. Usually, I called in and told her where I was going to be.

Not this night. My friend Kevin and I had ran into a high school buddy, Mark. We went out to his cabin and had a bonfire. There were no phones and I figured my mom knew I was safe with Kevin. However, when your mom can’t walk and has no way to know where you are, things go through the mind. My mom yelled, crying, as I arrived home at 3:30 in the morning. Not exactly responsible, looking back on it. If she could’ve hobbled over to me, she probably would’ve whacked me with the crutches. I even remember her telling me that it wasn’t easy to love a child that was so wild and out to all hours. It was once, but I never forgot it.

As kids, and even moreso as young adults, we tend to break our parents’ hearts. That’s why it’s even tougher today as a parent. I’m lucky for now. My kids are 4, 2, and 1. The biggest heartbreak I’ve had to this point is when our teaching pastor visited our family and my oldest uttered the F Bomb. Where’d she learn it? I stared at her mother to give my buddy Tyler a hint, but honestly, I really don’t know who uttered it to give her that word to use. It could’ve been anyone amongst my family and friends. In a fallen moment, it could’ve been me.

I remember when it happened. I wanted to slide under the table, but Tyler was cool. He acted as if he didn’t even hear it. I can’t remember if I was praying more, “Thank you Jesus,” or “Thank you Tyler.” Mentioning it would’ve definitely brought on a long lecture for Megan and myself after he left. Because as most husbands know, any foul language or any other fart noise or bad gestures or anything else is always the dad’s fault. I don’t know why, but women have this way of blaming guys for these things.

It’s not easy for us as parents to keep the halo of niceness on our children. It’s even harder sometimes to show the love that God wants us to show when children misbehave or disappoint us. Leslie takes us through a couple examples of how hard it is to always show the love unconditionally then shows us that she is like other parents that get on themselves for not being able to do show the love 24/7.

Leslie tells us by relating scripture about some of the “love” verses that show God’s love, but then begins a section that talks about how God’s love isn’t always the mushy, giving kind that we want to believe. She speaks of Israel and its disobedience in the desert on the forty year journey to the Promised Land. There is also the relating of how Israel and Judah lost that land by continued disobedience.

We have this New Testament perception that it’s all love and no matter what you do, God still will give you a big hug afterwards. That’s not true. God still had to discipline the Israelites, the same way he does to us. The Israelites journey to the Promised Land was to be two years. Because of the continued sin and not listening, the journey took forty-two years. God took the Israelites around the mountain (well in this case, the desert) as many times as necessary.

Leslie then takes us through a section of three mini-myths under this myth. The first is that love is supposed to feel good. All of us love the feel good love. You can think of REM’s Shiny Happy People. Of course, I prefer their Furry Happy Monsters with the Sesame Street gang. Monsters dancing with the band is the ultimate in happiness. The second myth is that love is a feeling. When the love is good, the emotion is a happy one. However, this myth gets tough to live when times are hard. You can explain divorce rates with this myth. The last myth is that love is holy, perfect and unchanging. We’ve already disproved this myth with the times of the Israelites.

We have made love too simple. It always has to be a positive. James Dobson writes a book called Love Must Be Tough. And it is. Leslie makes a great comment in the next to last section of this chapter. “We may feel anger, as God does. We may feel hurt, as God does. We may feel disgust, as God does. Love not only allows these feelings; it requires them.”

I never thought about those emotions as a child growing up. Because as a child, it’s about us. We tend to make us the center of the universe. When we become adults and move into parenting, we begin to see, if we pay attention, that we are not alone. We are merely along for the ride. We go from thinking about what we’ll do today to how what we do affects those that live with us.

My daughter Megan has been recovering from the flu. She admitted to me the night that she began feeling sick that she played with a little girl whom she knew was sick. I think to myself, “Why would you play with a child that’s sick?” My daughter answers the question with, “Well daddy, you taught me to play with kids that needed a friend.” Yes I did. Inevitably, that’s what is right with my daughter. She sees the ones that are alone and in need. That’s when I realize that I have done something right and even when my daughter is not easiest to love, it will be memories like these that will make it easier in the hard to love times of her life.

Next week, we’ll look at Myth #8.This myth tells us that successful parents produce Godly children. There are three lessons left in this series, so keeping looking for this on Mondays, or if I am trailing behind, on Tuesday.

I love you guys!
Frank

Have a Little Faith? Mitch Albom's Latest Book Packs Some For Everyone

Hey gang!

I’ve been excited since I finished reading last night at midnight to share with you today. Sorry about not getting Wisdom Wednesday up, but with my baby girl having a fever and needing her daddy’s love, holding and support, the best thing I had the opportunity to do was to read. I’d promised my friend Corby Pons that I would be reading a book he sent me in early October, but it took me a little longer.

However, once I started reading Mitch Albom’s book, Have a Little Faith, I found myself being unable to put it down. I finished reading the book in three days. I have to say a lot about this book and what it taught me about people.

First, I will tell you that for those of you that don’t know who Mitch Albom is, he is very familiar in my sports fan world. He appears quite often on The Sports Reporters on ESPN and is a guy whose writing I have great respect for in the sports world.

The truth is that with Have a Little Faith, he interwove three stories so well that I kept wanting to know more. The three main characters of the book are of great intrigue.

The book begins because of a request from Mitch’s Jewish priest, Albert “Reb” Lewis. The priest asked Mitch to do his eulogy at his funeral. I thought the same thing as Mitch originally. How would I tell my pastor “No” to such a request. I found it compelling that a man of God would ask someone outside his immediate family to talk at his funeral.

Mitch agreed to do the eulogy with one condition. He wanted to know the man beyond the pulpit. If you’ve ever wondered what men of the cloth do outside church, the book may be worth buying just for that. The inside on what Reb wore alone made me laugh. I used to think that it was once you got to a certain age that you wouldn’t care if your clothes matched or not, but I am finding that it is more about comfort. Even at 40, I am finding myself dressing mix-and- not matching.

Reb was not a hollow character. Mitch brought out the beauty of a man that didn’t always have success. Mitch was told about how Reb failed at what I would call “divinity school” once. He was convinced to go back and he thrived. One of my own pastors shared with me recently how he didn’t get accepted the first time to the school that he eventually graduated from. The common bond between the two made this section easier to read and also gave me what I saw as the first theme in the book.

Bob Carlisle once did a song, later done with a little variety by Donnie McClurkin (above), called We Fall Down. The song talks about how all of us have our moments of failing, but to remember not to give up. Reb tells us to try again. We need to follow that advice. Hebrews 11 talks about how even the great men of The Old Testament struggled, but were faithful. We will all fall down. It’s the courage to get back up that makes the mettle of a man.

Mitch waited until halfway through the book to talk about Reb’s wife, Sarah. Even though she is not one of the three main characters of the book., the second theme of the book came out during this section. While we may see Reb, and later Henry Covington, be successful, it was partially because the support system was so strong. If you’ve ever heard the phrase, “Behind every great man is a great woman,” you understand that the support of a loving and devoted are essential to that success.

We see Reb go through many different health trials in the eight years of the book. He fights off death several times and continues to offer insight to Mitch about his life. You get to see the interaction, several sermon notes and finally, the eulogy of a parishoner that loved his rabbi.

The second major character of Have a Little Faith is Henry Covington. After I moved to Florida in 2000, I began going to a men’s group and met one of my best friends while living in the Sunshine State, Tim Schmidt. He and I were talking one night and he said something strange to me at the time, but something I’d never forget. “Frank, you and I are different. I was lucky to grow up in a home that taught Christ to me from the beginning. I’ve never known what it’s like to be without my faith, but you lived a different life before coming to Christ. Sometimes I wish I had so that I could be more understanding to some of the things you go through.” This is also the difference between Reb and Henry.

Henry did not come to the Lord until he was nearing thirty years old and he had lived quite a different life from Reb. Henry had suffered through alcohol and drug addictions. He even went to prison for a crime he didn’t commit. Henry ran from God until a night that he thought that he would be killed hiding behind garbage cans. He committed to Christ and we get briefed on how Henry arrived in Detroit and then how Henry and Mitch came together at the I Am My Brothers Keeper Ministry.

The great part of Henry’s story for me was the condition of the church that Henry gave his life to in service. A lot of us would like to believe that churches could never have ten foot holes in the roofs and the heat could be turned off because a church could no longer pay its bill. We can’t think of a suffering church here in America. The visions of perfect pews, awesome altars and a sound system that can carry a man of God’s voice to the rafters sometimes put us in an unreal world. We stop having church to be entertained and comfortable.

I personally cannot picture having a service under a small tent inside a church building. If you’re my age or older, you’ve probably seen a tent revival or two. But those are outside under blue skies and not because the temperature is below freezing in the sanctuary.

The story of Henry though takes on an interesting theme that I think all of us who did not grow up religious. We are often looked at skeptically by those that have seen our lives before salvation and also by those that have been along for most of the ride for their entire lives. It is like we could not possibly make a mark on the religious world because we were “worse” sinners. However, for those of us that suffer that persecution, we need look no further than the Apostle Paul to see how a sinner redeems that life with a life after salvation.

Mitch makes a great point that these acts after salvation don’t get us into heaven with a story at Henry’s house that shares the fear of doubt that all of us go through wondering if we are good enough to get into heaven. Henry, even with everything he had done at I Am My Brothers Keeper felt that it might not be adequate to get a pass to heaven.

Mitch does a good job of explaining how the people of both ministries in the book are changed. While there is a much deeper look with Henry’s story at people like Cass, Mitch shows something that is vital in the belief in God. Regardless of which division of Christianity/Judaism that we are in, it is a strong belief in God that carries us. It is not because the Jews or the Christians corner the market on heaven entrance. The story of Reb walking hand in hand with the Catholic priest to produce unity of the churches in that New Jersey area helped us understand that God wants us on the same team.

By this, I am not saying that all religions take us to the same place, but if there is a common belief in The One True God, why can’t we manage to get along here on earth. That is what is produced by the stories of Reb and Henry. Seeing I Am My Brothers Keeper celebrating toward the end of the book with the heat restored and the clothes and other donations warmed not just the building, but the hearts of the people walking together in faith.

The third major character might not be thought of as a character, but he is. It is Mitch himself. In the final pages of the book, Mitch shares that he was now comfortable in his faith. It wasn’t always like that. You could see by the questions that Mitch asked Reb and how Mitch reacted to the events at I Am My Brothers Keeper, that God grew him as the book unfolded.

You could see that Mitch was like many of us in the beginning of the book. He was a pew filling observer. He watched the show and was entertained and went back to his life as a sports writer. But as the book progressed, you saw the heart change. He began to see things that God was teaching him walking and talking with these great men. Mitch questioned much like we do as we grow in our faith as disciples of Christ.

My pastor, Van Brooks, related a story to me that as we grow, we never know what point on the scale that we are at. As we open our hearts and take in what a person says to us, we might start at -10 on the scale. The first conversation might only move us to -9. Maybe five or six conversations down the road, a month or years, we might finally get to 0, which is salvation or acceptance of God. As God and others continue to put seeds of growth into our lives, we go into the positive numbers and bloom as people under God. I sincerely believe that is the journey Mitch took in the eight years of writing the book. He was probably closer to 0, but kept adding to his growth as the book formed.

The finish of the book was strong. Mitch came out of the experience with something very great. A file of Reb’s about God. He realized one of the greatest gifts as he opened the file. I’ll quote his words from pages 246-47.

“Because there, inside the file, were hundreds of articles, clippings and notes for sermons, all about God, with arrows and questions and scribbling in the Reb’s handwriting. And it hit me, finally, that this was the whole point of my time with the Reb and Henry: not the conclusion, but the search, the study, the journey to belief. You can’t fit the Lord in a box. But you can gather stories, tradition, wisdom, and in time, you needn’t lower the shelf; God is already nearer to thee.”

The book is about gaining that understanding in the stories that we call life, we grow closer to God, whatever denomination we are. This isn’t just a book for the Jews, for the Baptists, for the Pentecostals, but a book for all of us. It is an intertwining of three men and how their journeys grew them. If we read carefully and think, the journeys might just grow us.

In closing, I want to share a couple other things with you. If you want to know more about Mitch, or Have a Little Faith, head on over to Mitch’s website, at http://mitchalbom.com.

Also, Mitch is coming close to my area next week. I’d personally love to go down to St. Louis and meet him. If you want to as well, Mitch will be sharing at the Congregation Shaare Emeth, Thursday, October 29. The Congregation Shaare Emeth is located at 11645 Ladue Road in Creve Coeur, Missouri. There is no charge, but you can make donations at the door. There is also a request to bring a non-perishable food item, the proceeds going St. John’s Community Food Pantry and the Harvey Kornblum Jewish Food Pantry. The event begins at 7:30 pm.

I love you guys!
Frank

Marriage Monday on Tuesday: Myth 6: You Represent Jesus to Your Children

Hey gang!



I know you’ve heard songs about it and even sermons about us being the only Jesus some people see. Today, we continue in our book study series of Laura Leyland Fields’ book “Parenting Is Your Highest Calling” and 8 Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt. This is myth #6, You Represent Jesus To Your Children.

While I admit that we do have a major role in shaping our children and their character, are we really Jesus to them? That’s a lot of pressure to never sin in front of them, and that is just while driving the car in a busy intersection. There are a lot of people that put on masks, but if we have to put a mask on for our children, it is for sure that we are not living Jesus as we ought. Looking at this chapter will free us from the pressure while telling us the real responsibility that we should have.

I posted the “Hands and Feet” video from Audio Adrenaline because Leslie used it as an illustration to begin the chapter. We wake up in the morning and unlike her, we didn’t get the reminder of how we are supposed to live today and every day. She tells us how the song helps set the mood of the day in her mind and heart as she sings through it while helping to get her children ready for school and the day ahead.

You’ve heard that the road is paved with good intentions and some mornings just like the one Leslie describes goes all wrong. After dropping her kids off at school, she definitely doesn’t feel like Jesus. How many mornings has it happened to me? How many times has it happened to you?

Leslie then asks the question all of us want an answer to, “Why can’t we be Jesus to them? Why is it so hard?” We handle a few, but Jesus took care of thousands and their every need. He gave wisdom as he did it. We want to be able to help every person that we see, but we fail at times. She tells us of a word of one of her favorite pastors to ponder:

He urges moms and dads to take their roles seriously because…”the most fundamental task of a mother and father is to show God to their children. Children know their parents before they know God. This is a huge responsibility and should cause every parent to be desperate for God-like transformation… Will the child be able to recognize God for who he really is in his authority and love and justice because mom and dad have together shown the child what God is like.”

I think how hard that is. I grew up an only child raised by my mom, grandma and assisted by several great aunts. Without dad, I struggled for years to see God as Abba Father because I saw (literally) my own father as absentee and could not see God for anything other than a dream vision far away. My mother always encouraged me to believe, but there was never instruction on HOW to believe.

Leslie admits that she struggles to show Jesus all the time. By day’s end, she and probably most of us are running dry on sympathy, love and healing touches. She admits that she longs for rest and healing herself. I know I am that way as well. I wish it was as easy as eating a good meal to get the energy level back up to be spiritually giving.

A comment that Leslie makes on p. 133 of her book floors me. “A child’s emotional pattern is set by the time he is two years old.” As a stay-at-home dad, that is tremendous pressure to think about how Megan, James and Maggie all react to me. My son is very laid back like me, but my oldest daughter, Megan, is very forward. I think her emotion came with my feelings of nervousness of doing a “right” job with her. Being the first child and to a dad that barely even held babies before she was born, she is always cautious to make sure she is doing the right things. So far, I see the statement as true. Maggie is still being shaped and I think she will also be more laid back, even though the three of them can be pretty destructive to the toy room.

Leslie then asks if this “character of Christ” is accomplished by us or Jesus. My feeling it is more of a mixture. The reason I say that is that when we are showing the heart and mind of Jesus, we are making God’s job easier. We can also be a setback if we too often don’t act like Jesus.

We then go into a section of stating that we cannot be Jesus, we can only need Jesus. Leslie stresses the scripture of Matthew 18 and 19 that we are to become like little children to enter God’s kingdom. We as parents have to come to an understanding that we don’t have all the answers. I remember the first year of my Megan’s life. I questioned everything. But with James and Maggie, I became confident and sometimes make mistakes because I take the George Lopez attitude of “I Got This.” We begin to rely on our own smarts and history. The truth of every child being different doesn’t make this any easier. I know with the later kids, I began to put the stick up of “This is when Megan did it.” James didn’t meet many of the same bars at the same time because boys historically are slower to develop. That drove my wife and I batty at times and it took great wisdom from parents that had been there to tell us that he was going to be fine.

Leslie closes the section with a great line. “We never replace Jesus in our children’s lives. We don’t even do the work of Jesus in our children’s lives. We do the work of parents, which is to point our children to Jesus.” We do our part in reading to them and talking about God with our children, but we also have great Sunday school teachers, good classmates to be friends with and give our best attempt to place them in front of people that are living and doing the work of Jesus so that they can learn also by example.

Then Leslie goes through a section of talking about people that take on the mantle of servant hood a little too much. This tends to balance toward women because of the verses to submit to their husbands. But God calls men to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Men should bare the burden of their children as much as the women and this servant hood must be kept in balance so neither parent loses themselves in that servitude.

We then see the tale of two servants, Mary and her sister Martha, in Luke Chapter 10. Martha was doing noble work, taking care of the throng of people in her home. But Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet, taking in the Word of God. Jesus told Martha that he would not take the opportunity from Mary. The service that Martha gave was temporary, that day. The Word of God would be of service to Mary for a lifetime. It’s interesting to think how many of us as adults get the two backwards. We want to serve Jesus so badly, but not take the time to be instructed by the Holy One.

The closing thought on this is that we still need to teach our children to serve. We don’t want to allow our children to just take in from the pews. They do need to learn how to serve. That way they can get the vision of seeing Jesus being lived through them. That way, they can meet Jesus in a variety of ways and understand that while we are the primary instructors of our children and their life, we are only part of the Jesus that they will get to know and fall in love with.

Next week, we take on a tough myth. When our children are born, we can’t help to see how cute and adorable they are. We can’t ever envision a day in which we will not love this bundle of joy. So are there days that we won’t always feel the love for our children? We’ll explore that next Monday.

I love you guys!
Frank