Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Third Day Lyrics
This Is Who I Am Lyrics
If you haven’t figured it out in the first few blogs, this ministry is about encouraging others on their walk with Christ. Some days are much easier than others. Most days I can’t wait to get to the computer and start typing away. Today, was not one of those days.
I talked to a long time friend this morning and I knew from another conversation with a different friend that we wasn’t feeling too good about life. So I called him on his cell phone and got the message again. So I hadn’t called his family’s house in about five years, but since I thought I remembered it, I called there. The good news is that I hadn’t forgot the number. That’s really all the good news other than he was happy to hear from me.
We began talking and I could tell he is having a hard time lately. He has been going to work, paying bills and not much else. A lot of us can relate. We started talking about the old days and how I’d ran into many of our friends from the past and it was like I hit a wall. He did relate a story of running into some people from the 20th reunion that he didn’t attend, but hung out at a bar the night before with some of his friends. He told how much that he felt people hadn’t changed much in 20 years and that he really didn’t miss any of them, other than the friends he was with.
I pressed in a little further and he told me that he didn’t really care to discuss much of the past that they were a part of because most of them weren’t a positive part of his past. To that I do agree. I was there. He then asks me why I try to be friends with them. Then, he sharpens to this.
“Don’t you remember high school? You were not most of their friends. You were the comic relief. They laughed at you. They didn’t take you seriously. You were a joke. You tried to be everyone’s friend and they tried to run you into the ground. You were naïve and thought that people loved you. A few did, but not many. You weren’t Rick-A-Do, because you had a line of pride. You let people push you too far before you wrote them off and all it got you was disappointment and hurt. You think they’ve changed?”
I don’t know, but I do know two things. First, I’ve changed. I’ll still admit to being a tad too naïve with people and I’ll admit to wanting to have people like me. I still believe in people, for better or worse. He was right about the part that a lot of people treated me poorly in high school and even the part that some people didn’t take me seriously. At the time, I left high school vowing never to go back and to never let people treat me like that again. But again, I changed.
In high school, I didn’t have the second thing I know, that being Christ in my life. The beautiful part is this. God does take me seriously, does not take me as a joke (even though I used to joke that he did) and he truly loves me for who I am. I’m not perfect, not even close. He loves me anyway. So there can be hundreds who don’t like me from high school and it doesn’t matter, really. The one who does love me is consistent. God is the same yesterday, today and forever and that is what keeps me believing in the good of people, even though in the world’s mind, I should doubt that any good is there.
I still hope that people change. Some of them won’t. That’s too bad. But I don’t give up on them now. I go back to a day that ten or so people tried to drag me into the gym to make me wear a dress for a spirit day. In the scheme of life at 39, it really wasn’t a big deal. They almost broke my ankle in my fight not to go. I limped for days afterwards, but I won. I didn’t wear a dress and I made fun of those who did. I became them for a day. I don’t feel better about that today. I will admit, I felt pretty good that day though. I realize at 17, I also didn’t do myself any favors. Do I justify the abuse I took? No. But I’ve put that abuse in its place. It was 22 years ago and 99% of those people aren’t even in my life today. The only people that know about it are the people reading this. Truthfully, most of those people in my life may not remember the day either.
I still believe in attempting to make the world a better place. It’s why I do what I do now and that is write about a savior that loves me and that he loves you too. It’s why I’m honest about some not so pretty moments in my life because I want to be real and human with all of you. I’m saved, but only by a grace that forgave me laughing at boys in dresses. I’ve been taught to forgive and forget. As you read, the forgiving is much easier than the forgetting. God tells us in Psalms that he takes our sins and throws them as far as the east is from the west. I’m glad his memory is farther and longer than mine and he can still forgive the dumb things I do every day. It’s why I love him. He’s so much more forgiving than I’ll ever be. I’m just grateful for the example.
In the next edition, I’ll talk about the humbling journey that brought me to that inner peace.
I love you guys!