Monday, April 20, 2009

Marriage Mondays: An Exercise & We Have a Winner!

This video is actually just a picture of Matthew West performing a song on K-Love on Valentine’s Day.

Hey gang!

It’s Monday and that means it’s time for something fun for couples. Today’s blog features an exercise found on one of my favorite marriage sites, For Your Marriage ( This will give you an idea of an area of your relationship that you might need to give a little more attention to or it might tell you that you have a very blessed marriage. In either case, we can all get better and this does help in one area that we can all enjoy, communication.

Grade your marriage:

Marriage is not a test that you either pass or fail. It’s an ongoing process to learn about each other and how to accommodate differences so that both of you feel satisfied and grow in love for each other.

Marriage is not a competition that one wins in expense of the other. If both spouses are not happy with the decision then the marriage suffers since one person’s happiness cannot be at the expense of the other.

In this spirit, we invite you to assess where you are in your marriage.

Identify the issues that you agree on and are working for you.
Identify the issues that you disagree on and need to work out a compromise.
Identify the issues that you haven’t gotten around to talking about-but should.

All this can add up to a blueprint for deepening your marriage and helping you reach your full marriage potential. The following categories can get you started.

On a scale of 1-10, rate your satisfaction with your marriage in the areas of:

1. Shared Values
2. Commitment to each other
3.Communication skills
4. Conflict resolution skills
5. Intimacy/Sexuality
6. Spirituality/Faith
7. Money Management
8. Appreciation/Affection
9. Lifestyle
10. Recreation
11. Decision Making
12. Parenthood
13. Household chores/gender differences
14. Careers
15. Balancing Time (personal, marriage, parent, work)

Total ______

Since this isn’t a test, but rather as a map to use for further discussion, the scoring is not based on 100%. If your self ratings on a specific topic are:

8-10: You are quite happy with this aspect of your marriage. This could be because generally you are an optimistic person and easy going, or you have been rather intentional about working on your marriage.

4-7: You are sliding along in your marriage, perhaps are not paying much attention to it or avoiding areas of conflict. It’s also possible that you have high expectations and are not an easy grader.

1-3: You are pretty dissatisfied with this aspect of your marriage.

Another way of assessing whether you need to pay more attention to certain areas of your marriage is by comparing answers with your spouse. If your ratings on any given topic vary by more than three points, you’ll want to discuss why.

Finally, if you and your spouse have combined scores of:

100+: Give yourself an A-but don’t get proud or complacent.

75-99: Give yourself a B-you’re in good shape and can pinpoint those areas you’ll want to discuss further.

50-74: Give yourself a C-you may have much to discuss or one of you may be more dissatisfied than the other. Check it out.

15-49: Looks like trouble. The fact that you have filled out this self-assessment, however, is a good sign. You haven’t given up and you want to make your marriage better.

Finally, the winner of the Marriage Mondays contest is Christin Banda of Round Rock, TX. She’ll be receiving her very own copies of Group 1 Crew and Mandisa’s True Beauty CD’s. Congratulations and look around a little later today because we’re gonna do it again. Come on back for details!

I love you guys!

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