Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Satan Worshipping Girls From the Year I Lost My Mind

Hey gang!

Do you ever read other people’s stuff and get inspired to share? Sure you do. Today it’s my turn. This morning, I was reading a few of my favorite bloggers and came to my friend Matt’s The Church of No People. He talked about how he almost got conned by a couple people that “supposedly” found a wallet on the street while in college.

He then asked the question, “Do you have a stupid story to share?” For those of you that know me, you know I have plenty of them. I could start anywhere in my life. Part of it is because I’m more naive about people than I like to admit. I always try to see the good side and don’t like to admit that other people are nuttier than an Almond Joy bar.

This story comes from December 1993, a couple months before I got saved. I like to lovingly called 1993 THE YEAR I LOST MY MIND. My friend Steve Felosa calls it the YEAR OF ME DOING STUPID S*** THAT MAKES NO SENSE. Either way, you are about to embark on a story in my life that I’m not particularly proud of, but so comical that it needs telling.

The year 1993 was another cold year in my dating life. I couldn’t have gotten a date if I had walked into a sorority house nude. Don’t picture that! Anyhow, I was lonely. My friends Kevin and Chris had moved to Pittsburgh to start a new life and a lot of my other friends, well, they were going through a lot of stuff too.

In 1991, I placed an ad in the back of one of those Enquirer type mags and met a gal, had a great time and thought I should do that again. But I realized the flaw of that was I didn’t actually get to talk to the gal until I met her. There probably would’ve been a few clues that something wasn’t right.

Well, I decided to call a chat line to meet girls. After a few times, I met a girl from Kentucky. I lived in West Virginia at the time, so going to Kentucky to meet a girl didn’t seem like that far, so we began talking. She told me that she was 19, a nursing student and sent me a decent picture via email. So I thought, I have Thursdays off from the paper. I’ll make the drive and meet her.

She told me she had class until three and that should’ve tipped me off that something was not quite right. So I made the five hour drive to Hazard, Kentucky. Yes, it’s real. No, I didn’t see the General Lee. I stopped off in a gas station and went into the station to pay. I met a nice gal who instantly told me that I didn’t look like I was from around there. I told her I was visiting town. She then told me that she got off at eight if I needed someone to show me around.

So I went to the gal I had the real date with and when I got in the front yard, I was met by her brother. He was 16 and looked like a basketball player. He was 6’5” with long arms. He gives me a look and asks me how old I am. I was 24 at the time and he started laughing. He walked to his truck and drove away. I walked on to the porch. She gets in front of the door and says that we need to get out of here. Her mom asks her who it was and she claimed that I was a friend.

We got to my car and I asked her where she wanted to eat. She said she wasn’t hungry and told me to drive to the gas station. Yeah, that one. On the way, I asked her how class was and she totally blew off her cover. She admitted that she was a twin sister of the brother I had met already. So, she’s 16 and in high school. Great. Wrong. She hadn’t been in class because she dropped out last week. At that point, she asked me for cigarettes. I don’t smoke. She asked me for three bucks. I told her I wasn’t supporting her habit.

So she says to take her to her girlfriend’s house. Her girlfriend was a little better looking, but she was wearing all black. I thought nothing of this as black tends to make fat people look a touch thinner. So we walk in her house. We stroll by the living room. It looked normal. As did her parents. They asked who I was. A friend of her friend’s. So she’s like, “Wanna see my room?” What trouble could I get into with two 16 year-old girls 300 miles from home?

We walk in and her room is mostly dark. I notice a little table near the front with candles all over it. I look around and then say, “This is your room, huh?” She responds quickly, “Well, it is a sanctuary.” Huh? Wh-wh-wh-what? Sanctuary? You guessed it. I was in the middle of Kentucky with two Satan worshipping teen girls. She then tells me that she can’t wait to have a baby to sacrifice at the altar. I start looking to see where I could make a door for the fastest route to my car.

They continue talking and smoking cigarettes and I am asking myself why my legs won’t move to get me the heck outta there. It wasn’t “deer in the headlights” fear, it was more of “driving by a car crash” curiosity. They talked about going to this restaurant and finding boys to try to make out with. I was glad that they were looking beyond me at this point.

After about 5 minutes, we go outside, much to my liking. The girl I was supposed to be having a date with asks if I can drop them off at the restaurant. Sure thing!!! I drop them off at the restaurant and thank my lucky stars that I saw a McDonald’s three blocks before that. It was 6:15 and I had my dinner. I did think about hanging out until 8:00 so that my night wasn’t a total waste, but the more I thought about it, I just wasn’t ready to tempt fate a second time that night.

I drove home and had a message on my answering machine. Yeah, from the girl. “Hey, I never really said that I was sorry for lying to you. Just so you know, I’m not. I was looking for more of an athletic, military type guy to have sex with. Later loser.” I wasn’t Christian yet, but I already knew to thank God for letting me come out unharmed. It was definitely better to be lonely than dating a Satan worshipper.

So I’ll ask the same question Matt did at the end of his writing. Do any of you have a stupid story to share? Anyone else do something stupid before they got saved or even after they got saved? I know I’m not the only one that’s had a dumb blind date. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

I love you guys!


Matt @ The Church of No People said...



That totally tops my worst date story. By far.

It hits the range one of my frieds landed in. He picked up what he thought was a hitchhiker in trouble, took her where she wanted to go, which turned out to be kind of a strangely dark and scary place, and then she turned out to be a protitute who thought she was about to make a business transaction!

hiyacynthia said...

Okay, to make a long story short... I can relate...

I once drove 11 hours to meet a guy when I was an inside sales rep for Midco International (musical wholesale part of Samuel Music). He "ran" a music store in SC. When I got there, I found out that he was just a lowly employee who had no money when I got to his crappy little apartment and the creep actually asked me to pay to take his friend to the movies with us. He borrowed $8 from me before I left (probably for cigarettes) which he never sent to me as I had requested. I got out fast and said sayonara and then after 6 months of no contact after that (other than the phone sales business by which we had met), he called me out of the blue one day and said he lost his job and his place and asked if he could move in with me. I said "are you kidding me - NO!"

Dumb, dumb, dumb... 11 hours one way in the middle of summer in a $300 car with no air conditioning and holes in the floorboard big enough that I could see the road as I drove. Those mountains SUCKED! But even more so on the way home...

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