I posed a question yesterday on the Facebook Fan Page to get reactions from men on why they don’t actively seek out other men for bonding and accountability in small groups. Surprisingly, the only answer I got was from a woman. But I have a few theories and I’ll discuss them here.
First, the biggest reason is time. Time is always ticking away as DC Talk once said. Men are spending more hours working, trying to go to their kids’ activities and getting the lawn mowed. This doesn’t give a lot of guys any go time. Let’s face it men, one of our biggest problems is that we have become too busy.
Second, men are taught to be leaders, not seekers. That may not be happening as much in this generation, but before this, it was always lead in the workplace, lead by example, lead at home and keep everyone in line. Yes, the numbers may be changing slightly, but not enough to make men comfortable to seek others.
The third reason was neatly tied in a bow by the female respondent as pride. I’m not so sure I buy into the package though, at least not entirely. Men usually don’t have a full blown pride problem with men, but rather when it comes to accountability there is a fear of looking weak. Men are told to be strong, even with the changes of the last 50 years. Strong and silent, suck it up. A lot of men are afraid to look like a pansy, especially to the brethren.
The final reason is one that I will probably receive all kinds of hate mail for, but it is honest. We watch women. Women are evil with each other. Women will get in groups and cutthroat the women on the outside. You go to the bathroom together to talk about what other women are doing in a restaurant. If we as men weren’t in love with you, we might have a hard time trusting you either. You’ll talk about what other women are wearing as if you are a judge on Project Runway. By the way, the show begins on Lifetime on Thursday at 10:00 eastern, 9:00 central. All in love and war.
There are a lot of excuses, but thankfully there are some answers. First, across the country there are many men’s groups of Promise Keepers. The phenomenon started 20 years ago by Colorado’s former football coach McCartney and it has been greatly successful. A lot of churches have men’s groups that don’t require you to be a member of the specific church leading the program.
If you’re a younger guy, I’ll give you another suggestion. Go to your leadership and ask them to give you a mentor to grow in Christ. If they don’t take the challenge themselves, leadership normally has a guy or two in mind to help you grow.
If you are lucky to have a Christian buddy or two, don’t forget the importance of accountability to grow that friendship. However, I will say don’t ask for accountability if you can’t handle the truth. Remember accountability partners are supposed to give it to you straight and if you are messing up with your wife, kids, friends, ministry, job, etc., they should tell you.
Finally men, let me leave you with one word of encouragement. This verse began a drive in me to find men that wanted to keep each other accountable. Proverbs 27:17 states, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Do you want to be sharper in your walk? I know I do. Find a friend today and become more accountable.
I love you guys, but only in a high fivin’ manly way!